Whoa...okay, less of the raging now that I've gotten that outta my system...although it was only 45 minutes ago, but it had been building up inside since 1:00 in the afternoon...and it all just blew the hell up as I was unpacking my philosophy stuff and I saw the exam again...

Anyhow, I just read Lori's blog, and man...is it bad that I want to marry this girl?? she's like me...but not fully asian...and a girl...and with my hotness just translated into girl form (hahahahaha, I crack me up)...

But just read what she wrote on Oct. 29th (hurry, before she updates)...THAT is exactly how I'm going to feel when I finish school...there are going to be dozens of things I CAN do...but just...WHAT to do?? ugh...GO, go and read what she wrote...then look at how pretty she is...

posted by Herb 5:01 AM

I hate this whole school bullshit...

You people ask why I don't try harder at things? THIS...this is fucking why...I got a 65% on my philosophy of death midterm...

But Herb you say, a 65% isn't bad for a fuck-up such as yourself...to which I would usually respond, you're right...HAD I put in my usual half-assed effort...IF I get the same damned result from studying and not studying, why the hell am I wasting my life being a lonely hermit shelled up at home and at the fucking library?? damnit...

Low effort yields low expectations...thus resulting in hapless contentedness when I obtain mediocore outcomes and utter happiness when I get something more...but nooo...I have to try, only to let myself down, and fuck it all up...AAAHHHH...

I'm doing okay in school...but, I just hate it when this happens...I hate putting that extra effort into this slowly losing-cause that is this life...it's just stupid...I miss going out with my friends, I miss hanging out and talkin over a beer...I HATE THE FUCKING LIBRARY...

87...85...86...78...80...

WHY...why do these good marks mean abso-freakin-lutely nothing next to that damned 65...I hate this...I quit now...

NO SKULE FOR YU...NEXT!

posted by Herb 4:18 AM

So I saw Lost In Translation tonight, and lemme tells ya, it was great...

Sofia Coppola wrote and directed a beautiful piece of cinematic art here people, and I would definitely recommend you go out and see it...

It was not only beautifully shot, but the plot itself was very solid and very satisfying...it's watching films like this that make you realize how powerful and productive film can be as an artform...with music and visual art, you more so take away what you get from it...there's sometimes so little room for what the artist wants to get across in a piece, unless it's so blatantly forced upon you...

But Lost... is simple, yet so beautifully effective in its message...even when you're at your most lonesome amidst a busy and bustling environment, it's possible to find someone to love...someone to love you back...the movie itself really brings to light the monotony of everyday life...we're so taken in and drudged down by the emptiness of seemingly endless sameness that we're more often than not, overwhelmed by it...yet there's always someone there for us...someone to break through the dullness and make life worth it...

I'm gonna keep talking about this film tomorrow, and possibly the day after...it was THAT good...but from very different lights, so they just wouldn't quite fit with this post...

So until tomorrow kiddies...g'night and watch your step on the way outt...go watch the film...

posted by Herb 3:24 AM

I have never been one for conflict...

I rarely see the necessity in it in my life, but only because I'm fortunate enough to have never experienced anything requiring any form of drastic action...I can however, understand and sympathize with people who do see the need for it when it is warranted...

I myself never get into anything...I have maybe been in a handful of fights in my life...and no one really walked away worse for it...it just happened to be a situation where tensions boiled over and shots were exchanged, bruises were beaten into people, and sometimes blood was spilled (only the littlest bit though)...in retrospect, it may not have been smart, but it was probably the best way for things to have been dealt with...and having ME say that, you should fully realize that it is likely a fairly accurate assessment of the situation...

Now, I know I'm just blabbering about my inability to deal with most conflicts...but this is leading somewhere...this is leading to Cujo...

I mean, I understand Ken Holland's position...Dom Hasek is a proven strong goaltender...and saying it's difficult to move Joseph and his 8-mill contract is an understatement...with that said, I also understand Curtis' position...he's staying in good shape...he's rehabbing that bum ankle of his...and he's making almost 98 thousand dollars per game (that Detroit plays)...

BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...you have the guy playing down in the AHL with Grand Rapids?? that's ridiculous...he's a good goalie...you know that, or you wouldn't have lured him away from TO with 8-mill...he deserves a certain amount of respect for having played well for a season for you, granted he didn't perform well in the playoffs, but you have 20 other guys who were at least partly responsible for that...

And Cujo...you're taking all this on the chin?? yeah...you're making 98 grand for every game that they play...but you can only HOPE that Holland moves you...where are your balls man?? where's your respect for yourself and the sport you love?? I know you don't want to make this a difficult situation...but there comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself...and do what's right for you...

I do respect this man and he will always be one of my favourite players...he's a great guy both on and off the ice, and he's a truly classy individual...he brought a great deal of happiness to our club for a good couple of years...but I hate watching him put a bullshit smile on his face while saying a win is a win while playing again in the minors after 8 years...that's such shit...

posted by Herb 2:45 AM

I've really been neglecting this thing lately...

I'd like to think that it's cuz I've been so damned busy lately, but the truth is, I truly am running out of things to say...or at least running thin on desire to share things with the world at large...this blog has served as a brutally honest way of bleeding my thoughts into a world that I'm truly afraid to express myself in...every little thing you say is skewed so heavily that any wealth of knowledge you've convinced yourself of possessing has the potential to be dismissed as just another stupid thought...

I would like to say more in person...but is it really that necessary to put myself out there only to be scrutinized?

I find it disturbing how many people have things to say, and yet are silenced for fear of being humiliated...these may well be the intelligent voices of our generation...yet voices become subsumed as mere thought detailing mindless rhetoric...we're so taken in by what people think that we fail to recognize what we see and believe as important enough to be articulated...

I hate that I'm too afraid to speak my mind at times...there are things I want to say...to express...to voice...yet these things will be lost simply because I'm too afraid to let myself be me...

If something I'll need to say will one day matter, will I be up to the task? I'd certainly hope so...but then again, I'd hope to never be put in that position...I'm used to letting myself down, but to bring someone down with me?...

posted by Herb 4:42 AM

I tried writing blogs in class today...

It worked pretty well...I got a couple good thoughts in, but I think I should stop...I just stopped paying attention altogether for a while, and totally zoned out while just sitting and writing away...

So yeah, I'll type out these classroom blogs soon, and we'll see what y'all think of them...if ya thought they were okay, maybe I'll continue spacing out...

People today, and myself to an extent, have become ridiculously jaded and cynical about everything...there's a very clear distinction between being grown up and realistic and just letting negativity and cynicism seep into your every thought...a distinction you should definitely recognize and keep in mind...

Me? you know I have certain 'views' on things...where I tend to let my cynicism get the better of me (cough-women-cough)...but I can be hopelessly optimistic and positive about somethings too...not to the extent where I'll object to any view contrary to my own...but certainly to the point where I'm adamant about how I see them, and quite stubborn about it...

Things like our goals...love...the good in everyone...hope...

And I don't think I have unrealistic notions about these things, nor do I believe myself to be innocent and naive...I know they're difficult to have and to maintain...but it's the knowledge that people have these things...and that these things are indeed possible that make me want to live out this life and not just simply exist and then fade away...

posted by Herb 7:13 AM

It always amazes me when I think about our inability to forgive ourselves...

Despite whatever unfortunate consequences have come...we see a way to look past those...we deal with them and commonly rationalize...but when it comes to an introspective evaluation of whatever has happened, we simply rip ourselves to shreds

Take hindsight for example, wherein you dwell upon the past and rethink all you could have done differently...some things happen...whether good or bad...whether through your own doing or through extraneous circumstance, IT HAPPENED...you reflect on what you've taken from whatever has happened...you re-evaluate your current situation...and you move on...at least that's how it'd ideally play out...

But no...at times, we seem incapable of such forward thinking...we get so caught up in all that could have been, that we make a concerted effort not to push forward...and this, this is the type of thinking that will break you...it'll eat you up inside until you're left with little more than the bitterness of failed expectations and dreams...

I'm not reflecting on this in order to judge...I'm reflecting in order to help and to guide...as I'm sure most of you will know, had I been judging, I'd be the biggest hypocrite amongst us...

At the same time, I am in no way articulating the idea of giving up...not on fulfilling those expectations...and certainly not on fulfilling those dreams...

"When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade...
And when the going gets tough, the tough make lemonade"
- Melody Valentine

If you truly know where you want to be...then you'll one day be there...who cares what your peers think...who cares what outsiders think...who the bloody hell cares what I think?...just know that we're here...to believe in you...to support you...to help you realize that this is just another bump in the road to that goal...and that you'll soon get over it...

But know that it is indeed YOU we're backing...fuck you if you deny yourself of who you are...this is the person we've come to know...this is the person we've come to trust and depend upon...and it's that person who will get by...not whatever bullshit facade you put up now that everything isn't working out as well as you've planned...

It's life: live through it...learn from it...deal with it...

posted by Herb 4:12 AM

Y'know what I realized?

I've always had dreams of being famous to some degree...but all those stigmas of celebrity status have always seen like a huge turn-off...I mean, don't get me wrong...I don't actually believe I'm capable of being a huge celebrity or anything...

But I've been thinking, and the perfect vehicle for gaining the amount of fame I desire is being on The Real World...all I have to do is go live somewhere (last year: Las Vegas...this year: Paris!?!?), live out my life with other beautiful people (that's right, and don't hate me for it...), and it all requires such minimal work and effort...and I mean, look at them...after being on the show, they still have lives that are very much removed from anyone who actually cares a great deal about their supposed 'quasi-celebrity-status', yet people know of them...

Take Lori for example (www.everythinglori.com)...she has a life that in no way revolves around her having been on RW...but at the same time, she has an agent who sets her up with sweet speaking engagements where she gets paid to essentially sit and talk to people who loved her on TV in places like Hawaii...how cool is that??

Speaking of her, apparently those rumours of her being engaged aren't true!! hahaha...she will be mine, oh yes...she will be...hahahaha...Steph...that, that is my obsessee...mmm, Lori...haha...if you don't know what I refer to, go to Steph's site...I'm not a psycho-stalker, honest...

Other than that, I'd like to record some small sleeper hit under an alias with some small band...but then just drop off the face of the earth and never be heard from again...haha...that'd be awesome...people would be like, hey, remember that little song that came out in 2004 named (insert song title)...yeah, that was a great song, whatever happened to them? and I'd be like, I dunno?...yet secretly, I'd receive the royalties from it being included on a host of indie flicks about kids growing up n'shit...hahahaha...

Oh, I'm such a madman sometimes...d'ah well...watch your step on the way outt...

posted by Herb 5:33 PM

I'm just tinkering with the code right now...

Gimme time, aight? this is pretty much just a template from blogskins...but gimme a week or so after thanksgiving, and all will be nice and original...you're gonna be so proud...I'm gonna make you luv me, or yes I will...you know I will...

But hey, at least it doesn't look like Steph's anymore...

posted by Herb 4:54 AM

I thinks I brokened my thinking box...

posted by Herb 11:36 AM

I'm like...involuntarily twitching right now...

And I'm slightly frightened...but I don't know of what...

Help...me...

posted by Herb 11:31 AM

Dear lord...I have NEVER...EVER been awake this early before during this year...wait...except for that morning I decided to go swimming...

I AM SOOOO TIRED RIGHT NOW...yet can't sleep...

I actually don't think it's safe for me to be conversing with people right now...I know I'm going to say something stupid to someone...hell, I prolly shouldn't be writing this early in the morning...so...tired...can't sleep...must kill...

err...pay no attention to that last one...

I think at times, I really do have homicidal tendencies...like I was sitting in philosophy of death class on tuesday, and these girls behind me wouldn't stop talking, so for a while I started listening cuz I was bored, but after a while, it really got annoying...at one point, I actually envisioned myself turning around, bitchslapping one and strangling the other...a thought which greatly amused me, so I started laughing to myself...then they must have thought I was crazy...

Hot, hot...London is so very hot...both in terms of its students and its weather...hahahaha...I really think if I wasn't so busy looking at girls so much in some of my classes, I really could learn a great deal more...don't get me wrong, I do pay attention in class...but I'll bet you if I take a survey of my classes, I could find a pretty strong correlation between my grades going up with the number of uggos going up...

I really wish I were back in kindergarten sometimes...not cuz I was so young and innocent, and the world was so simple and blah blah blah...cuz I like sandboxes...it was great just sitting and sifting all day...and driving trucks through the soft sand, and watching the nice little trails it'd make...it was really relaxing...oooohhhh, and what I wouldn't give for nap time in the middle of industrial/organizational psych class...

I'm really tired...hootenanny...Hootenanny...HOOTENANNY!!

hahahahahahahaha...

I must leave now...

posted by Herb 11:03 AM

This happens entirely too often...that I say something, then want to retract...

I'm comfortable with the insanity that is my blog...I've maintained from the beginning that it's moreso a personal forum which will serve the purpose of emptying my depressing thoughts...and in doing so, it will both amuse and relieve me...

I like the fact that some of you find it amusing and insightful at times...but hey, find what ya like from it...

Steph's is used to amuse and entertain us with her witty and quirky insights...it's more externally drawn...

Simon's is to offer perspectives and insightful outlooks into some facets of everyday life...it mixes internal and external influences...

Mine is a jaded and cynical view of things that are both important and trivial to me, as well as odd little insights of what I see in the world...it's more so internally influenced, with occasional externally drawn insights...

So yeah...to each his/her own...I will however start writing in class...it's alot better than dozing off right?

posted by Herb 4:14 PM

Hmm...I've gotta stop being so depressing...

I read what I write, and it brings me down, hahah...jebus, that can't be good...

I don't really think up stupid things til I'm daydreaming in class...but then instead of writing things down, I sit and laugh to myself about it...like, you know the guy who's sitting next to you, who's quickly laughing to himself, and then he tells you what he thought of, and the both of you start laughing? well, that's me in class...but only when I don't pay attention...

So yeah...Steph has the most amusing blog at the moment...not that we're in competition or anything...her's is meant to entertain...mine is meant to bring you all down, hahaha...

Anyhow, I'm getting tired of this...I'm gonna start writing my blogs in classes...then just type em out when I get home...

This'll either be:
a) utterly frustrating cuz I'll write during stupid classes
b) oddly insightful cuz my school energy will be focused for once
c) dumb...so very dumb...

posted by Herb 3:56 PM

So I think I'm ready to reflect on this whole birthday thing...

I hate birthdays...they weren't a particularly joyous event when I was a kid...sure I got presents, people came over, I got some added attention for a day from friends and family...but really, it wasn't that big a deal...

Now that I'm older, I guess it's a bit better...but really, what's so special about a birthday? people say that it's supposed to be such a great thing...that you're a year older, and a year wiser...that you can look back and take in how much you've grown in a year, how you've changed...how you've had a good year, and this day marks the beginning of your next exciting year...

Well really, I've done jack all this past year...I've met some new people who I'm better for having met, I've drifted from some whom I used to consider next to family...but all that is expected as time goes by...

This year hasn't really set itself aside as something particularly memorable...it's been another year...that's it...another wasted year where things could have been done...where I could have grown in some way...this isn't to say that I regret my actions over the past year...I would likely live it out in the same manner...the only thing I guess I find unfortunate is that I'm that much closer to having lived a life...just another everyday shipped to someone else existence...

A good one? A bad one? I guess I have you all, so it couldn't have been that bad...but I wanted more for myself...like I do this time every year...

I want to get out of here...I want to go live a life, MY life...not simply live...

posted by Herb 12:45 AM

Or we can scratch that...I've just spent the time between my last post and this one uploading (FINALLY) the photos from our camping trip way back in August...

The other albums to come may take significantly longer though, seeing as how they are comprised of many more than the 22 photos from camping...

So yeah...that was time which should have been spent sleeping...but whatever, at least I was productive...and now, to go to sleep for 4 hrs before class!

G'day all...and watch your step on the way outt...

posted by Herb 7:10 AM

Okay...we are really starting to have problems with this whole 'sleep' thing...

And while we're not sleeping, we aren't even being productive...we're just sitting around...in front of the computer, or in front of the tv...it's really quite ridiculous...

On the plus side, I've finally uploaded about 350 pics from the latter part of summer...so those will be up at imagestation soon...bear in mind that I have to choose pics, and then resize and touch them up...so by 'soon', I really mean in a good couple of days or so...

You'd think I'd have much more to reflect on...I'm another year older...I've gotten my first mark of the year (an 85% on my first midterm, score!!)...we used the deep fryer and felt disgusting yesterday...but no...I really can't reflect on anything right now...everything is just...going...they're not particularly well, they're not particularly bad...I'm just living life...

And it's a good change...I haven't quite given up on expecting better, I'm just not waiting around for it anymore...when it comes, great...til then, I'll just, well...live it out...

Sadly enough, the only thing I'm really anticipating at the moment is the start of the hockey season...which is quite sad really...

Bah well...I'm going to start updating more often...if for nothing else, than to feel quasi-productive...

posted by Herb 5:44 AM

As a follow-up to yesterday...

I'm really excited about class tomorrow, haha...but before you think I'm nerdin out...it's cuz:

a) ethics and society is a really fun class...and we have a great young prof who's really funny and interesting...
b) we're screening an episode of Family Guy and various Simpsons clips tomorrow in Reading In Popular Culture after spending Tuesday discussing the historical progression of sitcoms...and before spending the next 2 weeks examining reality TV (next week), and the uber-drama (Six Feet Under, Oz, The Sopranos, etc.) the following one...RIPC = fun!!

But they're sandwiched between Death (the most boring class EVER), and Industrial/Organizational Psychology (the 2nd most boring class ever...)...so whatever...the utility of tomorrow's classes is still 0, but at least it's not a negative...(Mondays...)

And now to bed, to Bed I said! g'night children...and watch your step on the way outt...

posted by Herb 4:26 AM

Much to my surprise, school has been going fairly well lately...

I finally got my exam grade for that summer course (86), and my final grade (77), so that's definitely a weight lifted off my shoulders...I've just completed my first and second 'real' school-related tasks of the year (a midterm and a short paper), and I think they both went well...plus, it is now October and I haven't yet missed a class...

I actually find myself enjoying the majority of my classes...but that really has nothing to do with my sparkling attendance...it's this ingenius schedule of mine...when next semester rolls around, I think I'm going to enjoy having my current Wed/Fri's off instead of the Mon/Fri's that will come with that second semester...sure Thurs is my hard day right now, but it's the bologna inbetween my days off...

This...this is what school is supposed to be like...I'm relaxing, I'm occasionally doing work, I'm with good friends and good people, I'm enjoying what I'm learning, and most importantly, I'm having alot of fun...my grades (at least I'm hoping...) have been decent so far, but that doesn't matter all that much...what matters is that education is once again worth it, the time, the effort...it's intrinsically rewarding...it's...almost making me want to do more of it...

It's this type of schooling that, should I choose to not further my education next year, I shall dearly miss...

Cheers...but please, watch your step on the way outt...

posted by Herb 3:49 AM