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Friday, April 29, 2005

Closing Time...Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End...

It's done...

It's been such a long time coming, and to finally be living in this moment is just surreal...and to be on the horizon of something even bigger is just, unbelievable...

I look back at the past 4 years with so much reverie and joy that it seems so sad now that my life here has come to an end...I've accomplished a great deal and I've changed and grown so much that I now feel so ready...and so prepared to leave this city, this school...and move on with my life...

The thing I've discovered is...that I'm no longer afraid...I used to worry and question what I was doing...where I was heading...when I'd get there and who'd be there with me...but I now know that it'll be okay...

And, it's not that I have a temporary plan set up now...it's not that some of those uncertainties have now been silenced...it's that I've finally come to realize I can do this...I'm capable of moving forward and exceeding those limitations that I've always put on myself...all those doubts I've allowed to bring me down...

So, I'll now gather my things...I'll sit back and reflect on all the memories that have taken place in this - my second home...I'll sit atop UC Hill and soak in these surroundings once more...

And then I'll go...and I guess we'll see from there...but keep with me, cuz it's going to be a helluva ride...congratulations class of 2005, now watch your step on the way outt...

posted by Herb 7:15 AM

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Come On...Come On...Put Your Hands Into the Fire

Whhheeeeee...

I'm down to the stretch run now folks...today at 2, and tomorrow at 9, then it's all said and it's all done baby!...and oddly, I'm not too nervous or scared for these exams...

Y'know that feeling where you think you're just ready for something? and you get past whatever reservations you have...whatever fears linger in the back of your mind...and you're just anxious to go...you're just ready to face the world and the challenges set ahead...

It's like how sports people get into that proverbial 'zone'...where the only words to sum up everything they're thinking and feeling is 'just bring it'

So, a bunch of my friends are going to Asia this summer...yeah? well I get to be paid to be there! haha...sorry, what I meant to say is that though all the prep work and planning they have to do now may seem overwhelming and troublesome...after all the errands, passports and visas...they'll be there...

It's all about the longterm people...you work through whatever you have to now, to get where you want to be...sometimes it's going to be hard...sometimes, you're gonna wonder if it's worth it...well, it is...these are your goals, your dreams and your aspirations...whether they lie in being a university graduate, being in med school, being in Asia, or being in JET...

Know what you want...then watch your step on the way outt, and go and work for it...

posted by Herb 11:59 AM

Friday, April 15, 2005

You Are My Joy...You Are My Joy...

It turns out I'm quite the optimistic person! I took a psych profile and it said so, haha...I used to really not be like this, not at all...for the few of you reading this who've only known me a short period of time, I've definitely seen my rougher days...

But at some point, you've gotta let go of all that's bringing you down...and really just search yourself for what makes you happy...I've found so much in the last few years that have really turned my whole mindset on all of this around...

You can't keep beating yourself up for mistakes you've made...there comes a point after you've learned from the things that have gone wrong that you've simply gotta accept all the right you've walked away with, and go with it...

There's always a brighter day dawning tomorrow...but if you're always going to focus on that single cloud in the sky, you might as well be staring at another dark and rainy day...

I know I've got a great deal to be happy about right now...but y'know what? it's true...just give yourself the chance to be happy...you should always make your best effort in whatever you do, but after that, take a deep breath and just put that extra bit of faith in yourself and just live...

You'll find you can surprise yourself with how much you're capable of...I know it's not always going to be the easiest thing to do, but you're going to make yourself a great deal more miserable if you can't even allow yourself the chance to be happy...

For those of you whom I haven't told yet, I got into the JET programme earlier this week...in the coming months, I'm going to be one sad sentimental sack of crap...

BUT...I do know what I'm talkin about, despite my current positive spin on almost anything and everything...have a little faith in yourselves in whatever you do, and it'll work out...I promise...now, watch your step on the way outt...

posted by Herb 2:35 AM

Friday, April 08, 2005

Today Is The Greatest Day I've Ever Known...

So, it all ends today...

It's a shame I still have this damned assignment due in...3 hrs and 20 mins...let's see, I have 9 more pages to write, hahaha...oh geez, will I never learn?

But after that, it's over...I remember talking with Dora at this time last year as I was up studying for finals, and she had just finished her last business project of the year...she had just written her last word and was absolutely giddy with excitement and pleasure...it was like watching a kid on TV hide their last piece of broccoli in a napkin and finally getting to go play after 'finishing' dinner...(which I never really got...cuz I LOVE broccoli...damn dumb kid)

But Oh Yeah, that'll be me soon! yesssss...

It's going to be weird...so much will have built up to this moment...so much time, so much effort, so much heart and so much soul...and it'll just be over and done with...I'll finally have accomplished something...I'll have found one of those things that I think I've lacked...a sense of being done...a sense of absolution...an answer to what the hell I've been doing for these past few years...

At the same time, it's not everything to realize you've got something that you've longed for...there's so much more to it...it opens the door to something different...something exciting...and hopefully, something 'more'...but you've got to be as ready to take that step as you are to let go of some other part of you...

Still, it'll be good to have one corner piece of this puzzle solved...but now, to look at the bigger picture while actually being ready to see it...now THAT, that will be an awfully big adventure...

I'm finally done here, now watch your step on the way outt...

posted by Herb 5:40 AM

- In A Nutshell -
the entry in short...

(Updated With Entries)

Settling In...

- Lyric of the Moment -

Updated (06|14|05)

"There's a moment in my mind,
I scribbled and erased a thousand times,
Like a letter never written or sent,
These conversations with the dead,
I used to be a sentimental guy,
Now I'm haunted by the left unsaid."

Ben Folds - Sentimental Guy

Off of: Ben Folds - Songs For Silverman (2005)

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